I had a chat with my long lost friend again… Cadahing (Green Maniac). We exchanged songs and she gave me this song. It is so cute and it really made me smile. I felt like a little girl once again while listening to it. I want to memorize the song but I cannot pronounce the words well. Lol. Maybe you could try. Here it is:
Cuppy Cake Song – Strawberry Shortcake
You’re my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You’re my Sweetie Pie
You’re my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
Snoogums-Boogums, You’re
the Apple of my Eye
And I love you so and I want you to know
That I’ll always be right here
And I love to sing sweet songs to you
Because you are so dear!
Behind this sweet façade lies a heart that isMORBID, weak and still think of things…
Of WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN, of WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN if there is still what we called “US” and of what we called “OURS”.
My mind and heart is still fighting over what I still want to do and what is the right thing to do.
I know it has been a month, but I can still clearly recall everything. I can still feel that sweet hug, that sweet kiss and that sweet caress. I can still vividly see what was supposedly ours that is now a YESTERDAY.
I must be GUILTY.
Guilty of being NUMB to help me move on, guilty of being lonesome, guilty of still thinking about you and wanting to hear you and mostly, guilty of silently STILL LOVING YOU.
I hate it when I can’t escape this feelings.
I hate it when I can’t escape the moment when you cross my mind in an unexpected time.
I hate it when I can’t escape you, you are everywhere in my small and poor world.
I hate it when my mind is incongruent with my heart and greatly,
I hate it when I can’t escape regression.
I LIED.
I lied about what I feel. I lied about what I said. I lied about being ok. I lied to myself and to everyone else. Inside, I am shattered, I am torn, and I’m destroyed.
I thought I am strong but I don’t know how to repair.
I don’t know if I can love and entrust my heart once again.
I don’t know if I can do this on my own, just by myself.
I know there is no sense of telling this shit or maybe crap. I just want to let it out and I don’t care if you won’t hear this.
I am just tired of pretending that I am so much okbecause in REALITY,
I am down on my knees…GRIEVING.
I am not what you think I am.
I am not where you think I am.
To everybody, please don’t pity me, it hinders my recovery…
The wound is still fresh.
I just wish that it would heal AS FAST AS YOU HAVE LEFT ME.
I thought time flies, but DAMN!Why is healing come so slowly?
I read this from the blog entry of my LONG LOST friend now finally found, Jhoei… hehehe =D I find this post very true and I cannot say anything about it. I just nod as I read and then smile because I agree and accept the reality of closing cycle. I haven’t read the book but I plan on reading it. I hope you would also learn with this post. I will give emphasis on the things that struck me the most. If you want more of those posts visit http://magicspaceship.blogspot.com/ .
Closing Cycle by Paulo Coelho
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end.
If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.
That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back.
Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
I m with my cousin Rain right now, we bond (we ate McDonald’s no. 7) and find songs that soothes and satisfies the needs of our hearts. We found this song and I would just like to share it with you:
Say That
Drop n Harmony
Just when Im feeling like were getting closer Lady, you turn around and drift apart And now you got me in a state of confusion I just dont understand what we are Oh yeah Tell me girl exactly what it is that youre doing I know youre feeling my company But is that all I am to you? Kicking back with someone new Is that all that you want…?
Say that you dont care and Ill walk away
Say you dont give a damn and I wont stay
But if you feel the same way that I feel
Girl you gotta show it [show it]
Cause girl I wanna know it.
Ahhh…
Tell me you dont know the situation
Cause girl I know you know whats going on
How we be chillin all day, and making love all night
And still I sense that somethings wrong [wrong] Maybe theres a part of you thats scared and cautious Maybe you just dont feel the same
Well whatever it may be
Baby just be straight with me,
What exactly is it you want [want]
What is it you’re feeling
What is it you’re needing
I know you know whats going on
So if you feel the same,
way that I feel
Baby come on break it down
tell me what it is you want
Just tell me, Tell me what you want [yea, yea]
Baby just tell me, Tell me what you want [yea, yea]
Just tell me, Tell me what you want
I always here this song, I find this song beautiful. I searched its lyrics and it made me fall in love with the song. Check it out:
Don’t Say Goodbye
Juana
Didn’t mean to hurt you badly
Don’t think that I am fooling around with you
So sorry for the time you’ve wasted on me
So sorry for the things that you went through
But I know that the problem’s within me
You’re so nice but your love don’t deserve me Or maybe I’m just so scared to fall in love again
I can still remember the days
So many times I’ve been hurt
So much trust I put on a relationship
So much suffering I got in the pains to remain
You know I like you but I don’t wanna take the risk
So confused and i don’t know how to deal with it Need some time for a while before I give my heart away
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t say goodbye I need some time for a while before i give my heart away
Don’t say goodbye
Don’t say goodbye I need some time for a while before i give my heart away
Now I know I wasn’t thinking before
That’s why I’m always ending up with Mr. wrong Learning from the past, don’t wanna make mistake You could be Mr. right or could be a fake
My class started… I m still adjusting to the time but I m enjoying my lecture classes especially in my NCM 102.
Saturday (June 16,2007)- I don’t have my last period because my Nutrition professor is not around. I texted my friends because I felt sad and lonesome. I thought of the past semesters wherein I m with them all day and after class we would bond and just stay with each other and talk. Now, I cannot just easily invite other people to eat or simply chat because they also have their own business and own groups. Fortunately, my friends texted back and we bonded finally. I missed them so much, in the classroom or just even when I m walking in the FEU grounds. When we met, we would hug each other tightly even if there were many people around and would just stare violently at us. We do not care! We did the things we used to do before, we ate at R.PAPA (where you can find vendors of burgers, sandwiches, “tusok-tusok” etc.) , we met my other friends at Yes (where in you can drink and play billards) and we went to Ever (Recto) to sing (videoke). I spent five tokens just to sing my heart out. We ran out of time because they have other things to do. It was a short bonding. We parted and again I was sad and alone.
I realized that when you got the chance to meet the person you missed and the time is very limited. You will end up missing the person more and more. The more you want to be with them and the more you long for their company. I texted them when I got home and they felt the same way. I wish we could bond more often to unwind and just have a good time.
To my section last semester A05B47… I really miss you!
I have been here in the house for two straight days… It’s good that I got to extend my summer vacation and I got to rest all day but here I am feeling uneasy because I can’t seem to stand being alone in our house. I cannot understand why because normally, I love to stay at home and ALONE. Now, even if there are no interruptions with the usage of our computer and no one will high jack my seat (high jack is our “family” term of getting to use the computer even if it is not yet your turn) I can’t feel complete and satisfied or maybe, there is no thrill because IM ALONE.
Thinking of how I spent my summer vacation, I spent it by catching with old friends; I always go out of the house, every other day. I got three swimming outings and many get together with friends both high school and college. Its fun meeting and catching up with them. Maybe that is the reason why now I cannot stand staying inside our house ALONE. I also spent it by texting and chatting over the phone until dawn. Though I had a poor sleep-wake cycle, it was worth it.
I feel free and I feel LIFE. A life, which is supposed to be happy, a life, which is supposed to be light and a life, which I ever dreamt of— I, think I am getting closer to it. I do not worry on small things that got BIGGER with unknown reasons; I do not worry for someone else’s feelings. I just worry about myself and that is what I wanted. No one is dependent on me, No one is expecting from me, and No HEAVY obligations to fulfill that needs a lot of strength and makes me ignore about everything else.
I thank God for giving me this BLESSING, blessing that at first I thought was just to make me in pain and in suffering. I overlooked it, but now I realized, it is all I ever wanted.
Probably this would be my last post for now because my Calvary (the term right? haha) will start tomorrow which is Friday, June 15, 2007. My lectures and RLE will start again.
Pseudo Relationships— other calls it MU or Mutual Understanding. It is as if you are ON but are NOT. Is it mutual? Alternatively, does it need to be mutual? Many questions popped in my mind as I am writing this post and I seem not to continue typing.
If you would ask me, I think Pseudo relationships are more complicated than having a REAL one. PSEUDO means FALSE and falsity entails a lot of things, uncertainty, confusion, doubts, limits, mistrust, dilemmas and perplexities. I do not know if this kind of relationship can be called a “FLING” because I think, fling refers to a meaningless encounter with a man or woman and it can only last for a day. I believe Pseudo relationship includes a longer time than a day or a night. It is more of like you are MORE THAN friends but not quite LOVERS because in this kind of relationship, there is no such thing as COMMITMENT.
You maybe guilty of this for some reasons and stages such as: you just had a break-up, you are not ready to have a commitment, you don’t want to take risks, you don’t want to get serious, you can’t be together because there is “this other girl or boy”, you both are on the “getting there”, you just want to have fun and be happy of the “KILIG” factors this kind of relationship can bring sort of having a PLAYMATE, or just for the sake of having a relationship than having NONE.
In this relationship, there may or may not have a verbal agreement, one or both of you may admit your feelings or may also not. You just let your gestures and your actions do the talking. There may have courtship but there may not. You are neither boyfriends nor girlfriends but in the way you act and treat each other, it is as if you are. Yes, you have the same feeling but it does not mean that it is with the same depth and same intensity. You can only be assured of things if you both agreed on a certain setting, that is, if there is.
People settling for this kind of relationship, I believe have REAL emotions, but thy should not expect and rely on each other that there will be a HAPPILY EVER AFTER story in the end because this relationship is not stable and full of uncertainties.
I do not believe that there is a particular gender greatly affected by this relationship. Meaning, males are hurt more than females if ever they chose to part ways or whatsoever. On the other hand, females are more hurt because the males did not stay exclusive for them. There are no such things as MORE in this relationship even if in reality, if you would be critical about it there really is. However, because you choose to be in this kind of relationship, you do not have the right to air your side, sacrifices, hardships and hurt (in Filipino, “Sumbat”) because in the first place, you really don’t and you have taken that risk. You must be responsible in your actions and accept those facts.
In this relationship, you may or may not choose to be exclusive for that person; you may or may not know your role in his or her life. If one is cold or there is a misunderstanding, it may be the end of it or it may not. It really depends on both you, on how deep you are even if there is just “you and me” and not “us”. This will always make you wonder on where you are or if there really is a special relationship between you.
Pseudo relationship is not equal to Pseudo Pain, because pain is an extreme emotion wherein it could make or break us. When all the chips are gone, when one finds another and unfortunately, you invested all your emotions to that person, you will end up with nothing but PAIN. You can cry all you want but you know it in the first place that it will happen but still you continued and pursued that risk. You cannot do anything about it because you agreed to it and hoping things will go back to the way it used to be.
If you are, certain of the pain this thing will cause you, don’t give and invest everything because after all you know what is the REALITY (it is almost but not quite) in this set up right? You can be happy and seize the moment without worrying on what will happen next and you can stop settling for pseudo relationships and wait for the REAL ONE. If you still want to engage in that set up, you should be prepared and ready to the consequences and disadvantages this relationship may bring because not all stories specially if there is no COMMITMENT have a HAPPY ENDING. On the other hand, if you are really sure about each other but afraid to be TOGETHER for REAL, you can try to take the next step and be ONE. It is rare to find that one person who is REAL and TRUE with his feelings so if you got one, why don’t you give it a chance.
DISCLAIMER: This post is according to my OWN perceptions and not to judge or be against of yours.
You might agree with it, but when it
actually happens 96% of girls dont
realize it ’til it is too late and that
guy who did it is so frustrated that he
has moved on to someone who will take
notice.
From a guys point of view:
We don’t care if you talk to other
guys.
We don’t care if you’re friends with
other guys.
But when you’re sitting next to us, and
some random guy walks into the room and
you jump up and tackle him, without
even
introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off.
It doesn’t help if you sit there and
talk to him for ten minutes without
even
acknowledging the fact that we’re still
there.
We don’t care if a guy calls you, but
at
2 in the morning we do get a little
concerned.
Nothing is that important at 2 a.m.
that
it can’t wait
till the morning.
Also, when we tell you you’re pretty/
beautiful/ gorgeous/
cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it.
Don’t tell us we’re wrong.
We’ll stop trying to convince you.
One the sexiest thing about a girl is
confidence.
Yeah, you can quote me.
Don’t be mad when we hold the door
open.
Take Advantage of the mood im in.
let us pay for you! dont “feel bad”
about it
We enjoy doing it. It’s expected.
Smile and say “thank you.”
Kiss us when no one’s watching.
If you kiss us when you know somebody’s
looking, we’ll be more impressed.
You don’t have to get dressed up for
us.
If we’re going out with you in the
first
place, you don’t have to feel the need
to wear the shortest skirt you have or
put on every kind of makeup you own.
We like you for who you are and not
what
you are.
honestly, i think a girl looks more
beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s.
or my tshirt and boxers, not all
dolled up
Don’t take everything we say seriously.
Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the
beauty in it.
Don’t get angry easily.
Stop using magazines/media as your
bible.
Don’t talk about how hott Morris
Chesnutt, Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney
is in front of us.
It’s boring, and we don’t care. You
have
girlfriends for that.
Whatever happened to the word
“handsome”/”beautiful”
Girls, I cannot stress this enough:if
you aren’t being treated right by a
guy,
dont’t wait for him to change.ditch his
sorry,disgrace to the male population
ass and find someone who will treat you
with utter respect
Someone who will honor your morals.
Someone who will make you smile when
you’re at your
lowest.
Someone who will care for you even when
you make mistakes.
Someone who will love you, no matter
how
bad you make them feel, or what you do.
Someone who will stop what theyre doing
just to look you in the eyes….and say
“i love you” ..and actually mean it.
Give the nice guys a chance
Guys repost this if you agree
Girls repost this if you think it’s
cute
Every Guy who isn’t a jerk will agree
with this, so we hope that all the
girls
that read this will repost this
Tips for the less experienced:
*Holdin Hands
Girls :If you want to hold his hand,
gently bump into it a couple of
times.
Guys : Grab it if it happens more than
once.
*Cuddling
Girls : When you want to cuddle with
him, tell him you’re cold
Guys : Automatically move closer to
her.
*Movies
Girls : During a movie, if he puts his
arm around you, tilt your head on his
shoulder
Guys : Lift her chin up and kiss her.
*Loving each other
Guys : When she tells you she loves
you,
look deep into her eyes, give her a
peck
on the lips, and tell her you love her
too… And mean it.
*Laying below the stars
Girls : When you’re both laying under
the stars, put your head on his chest
and close your eyes as you listen to
his
steady heart beat
Guys : Whisper in her ear and link your
hands with hers.
Repost as: Guys’ Point of View…
This post came from my cousin Rain (Maze). I believe that the 96% there is just for the sake of having a numerical value because girls in nature are very sensitive when it comes to the things they do, girls are aware of the good and adverse effects of their gestures to men. Yes, they experiment with things because men vary right? It’s up to you on how you do it as long as you don’t hurt and don’t get hurt.
