pseudo relationships..

Pseudo Relationships— other calls it MU or Mutual Understanding. It is as if you are ON but are NOT. Is it mutual? Alternatively, does it need to be mutual? Many questions popped in my mind as I am writing this post and I seem not to continue typing.

If you would ask me, I think Pseudo relationships are more complicated than having a REAL one. PSEUDO means FALSE and falsity entails a lot of things, uncertainty, confusion, doubts, limits, mistrust, dilemmas and perplexities. I do not know if this kind of relationship can be called a “FLING” because I think, fling refers to a meaningless encounter with a man or woman and it can only last for a day. I believe Pseudo relationship includes a longer time than a day or a night. It is more of like you are MORE THAN friends but not quite LOVERS because in this kind of relationship, there is no such thing as COMMITMENT.

You maybe guilty of this for some reasons and stages such as: you just had a break-up, you are not ready to have a commitment, you don’t want to take risks, you don’t want to get serious, you can’t be together because there is “this other girl or boy”, you both are on the “getting there”, you just want to have fun and be happy of the “KILIG” factors this kind of relationship can bring sort of having a PLAYMATE, or just for the sake of having a relationship than having NONE.

In this relationship, there may or may not have a verbal agreement, one or both of you may admit your feelings or may also not. You just let your gestures and your actions do the talking. There may have courtship but there may not. You are neither boyfriends nor girlfriends but in the way you act and treat each other, it is as if you are. Yes, you have the same feeling but it does not mean that it is with the same depth and same intensity. You can only be assured of things if you both agreed on a certain setting, that is, if there is.

People settling for this kind of relationship, I believe have REAL emotions, but thy should not expect and rely on each other that there will be a HAPPILY EVER AFTER story in the end because this relationship is not stable and full of uncertainties.

I do not believe that there is a particular gender greatly affected by this relationship. Meaning, males are hurt more than females if ever they chose to part ways or whatsoever. On the other hand, females are more hurt because the males did not stay exclusive for them. There are no such things as MORE in this relationship even if in reality, if you would be critical about it there really is. However, because you choose to be in this kind of relationship, you do not have the right to air your side, sacrifices, hardships and hurt (in Filipino, “Sumbat”) because in the first place, you really don’t and you have taken that risk. You must be responsible in your actions and accept those facts.

In this relationship, you may or may not choose to be exclusive for that person; you may or may not know your role in his or her life. If one is cold or there is a misunderstanding, it may be the end of it or it may not. It really depends on both you, on how deep you are even if there is just “you and me” and not “us”. This will always make you wonder on where you are or if there really is a special relationship between you.

Pseudo relationship is not equal to Pseudo Pain, because pain is an extreme emotion wherein it could make or break us. When all the chips are gone, when one finds another and unfortunately, you invested all your emotions to that person, you will end up with nothing but PAIN. You can cry all you want but you know it in the first place that it will happen but still you continued and pursued that risk. You cannot do anything about it because you agreed to it and hoping things will go back to the way it used to be.

If you are, certain of the pain this thing will cause you, don’t give and invest everything because after all you know what is the REALITY (it is almost but not quite) in this set up right? You can be happy and seize the moment without worrying on what will happen next and you can stop settling for pseudo relationships and wait for the REAL ONE. If you still want to engage in that set up, you should be prepared and ready to the consequences and disadvantages this relationship may bring because not all stories specially if there is no COMMITMENT have a HAPPY ENDING. On the other hand, if you are really sure about each other but afraid to be TOGETHER for REAL, you can try to take the next step and be ONE. It is rare to find that one person who is REAL and TRUE with his feelings so if you got one, why don’t you give it a chance.

DISCLAIMER: This post is according to my OWN perceptions and not to judge or be against of yours.

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 06-13-2007 | 01:06 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies