.still.

You may think I am strong…

You may think I am ok but to tell you the truth,

I am hiding in a mask.

Behind this sweet façade lies a heart that is MORBID, weak and still think of things…

Of WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN, of WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN if there is still what we called “US” and of what we called “OURS”.

My mind and heart is still fighting over what I still want to do and what is the right thing to do.

I know it has been a month, but I can still clearly recall everything. I can still feel that sweet hug, that sweet kiss and that sweet caress. I can still vividly see what was supposedly ours that is now a YESTERDAY.

I must be GUILTY.

Guilty of being NUMB to help me move on, guilty of being lonesome, guilty of still thinking about you and wanting to hear you and mostly, guilty of silently STILL LOVING YOU.

I hate it when I can’t escape this feelings.

I hate it when I can’t escape the moment when you cross my mind in an unexpected time.

I hate it when I can’t escape you, you are everywhere in my small and poor world.

I hate it when my mind is incongruent with my heart and greatly,

I hate it when I can’t escape regression.

I LIED.

I lied about what I feel. I lied about what I said. I lied about being ok. I lied to myself and to everyone else. Inside, I am shattered, I am torn, and I’m destroyed.

I thought I am strong but I don’t know how to repair.

I don’t know if I can love and entrust my heart once again.

I don’t know if I can do this on my own, just by myself.

I know there is no sense of telling this shit or maybe crap. I just want to let it out and I don’t care if you won’t hear this.

I am just tired of pretending that I am so much ok because in REALITY,

I am down on my knees…GRIEVING.

I am not what you think I am.

I am not where you think I am.

To everybody, please don’t pity me, it hinders my recovery…

The wound is still fresh.

I just wish that it would heal AS FAST AS YOU HAVE LEFT ME.

I thought time flies, but DAMN! Why is healing come so slowly?

Have mercy,

please SET MY HEART FREE…

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 06-21-2007 | 06:06 AM
Posted in: Rhapsodies