too bad.

I’m just making friends. 

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-25-2007 | 11:11 AM
Posted in: Rhapsodies | Comments (0)

missing someONE.

Tonight, the rain pours as my eyes crashed in tears.

Hugging my pillow and making it wet, thinking that it’s you but can’t hug me back.

I have been trying to stop my tears flow as I condition myself that you won’t leave.

I have been showing you a happy façade but here lies a heart that misses you so much.

Being through this situation, this issue, with you made me tough and strong.

That I have someone to get back for me and make me feel protected.

Now that we have part ways, I thought I can do this by myself but it just goes to show that I can’t.

I feel so alone that you are not by my side.

I feel I don’t have someone to stood up for me.

Now that you’re away, my days are incomplete and when the sun sets, I keep on searching for something I can’t find— your presence.

I thought I’m brave enough but I’m not.

I wish we could turn back the time and prolong those sweet memories.

Now it’s so different, I don’t know if I can still make and win this fight.

I’m trying to adjust but I so want your company.

I’m bursting in tears now not just because of one person, YOU meaning MY GROUP MATES, not just my group mates but my true friends, my support system, my bliss and strength. I maybe talking like they are my lovers it’s just that I LOVE THEM this MUCH and they just can’t stay right beside me.

I miss you group 154 (the original)! This one is for you.

If I could just be with all of you again, I would hug you so tightly and never let go.

It’s just sad.

I thought we can make more fun moments and now, it would all just be feel good memories that I’ll treasure in my heart.

I’m so proud of you.

You are my ALL IN ONE person (I hope you get what I mean).

Help me not to miss you.

It’s making me weak.

Seriously.

I just discovered how weak am I without you.

And now, I just can’t stop crying.

deneb.arman.lyra.lyne.venus.paula.gara.diane.joy.mikko.malyn nothing compares to you guys. I’m missing you a lot…=( take care always…

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-18-2007 | 04:11 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies | Comments (0)

coffee.

I drank coffee

It’s taking it’s course in my body

Through my veins

And in my arteries

It is so silent

I could even hear my heart beat

I can’t sleep at the moment

I can do nothing but to reflect

Everyday for me is just the same

But every time I look back, it was a different game

Different people with different names

Different attitude and different aims

Sometimes I become the prey

It hurts but I know I should stay

I have people around me but I don’t know if I should trust

It’s hard for me to do but I know that I must

Luckily, I found them but there’s some who’s not worth it

I know its part of the game, just continue and don’t give a shit

I don’t care if friends are few

What matters is they stay and they are true

It’s a challenge that some are now far

I suddenly become a dead star

New people came from different town

Tries to please me but I shouldn’t place my guards down

Life is sometimes selfish and unruly

You should be wise and live cautiously

God gives us choices without second thoughts

We are always the once who calls the shot

A shot for the truth

A shot for the good

Now I can go to a serene slumber

For I let go of the things that gets me bothered

>>november 12, 2007

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-14-2007 | 03:11 PM
Posted in: Belles-Lettres | Comments (0)

do you?

Do you know how it feels to be surrounded by people whom you know but not really?

Do you know how it feels when their eyes are all on you?

Do you know how it feels to enter in a room when you feel and know that they don’t like you?

Do you know how it feels to act like you don’t know what’s happening?

Do you know how it feels to pretend that there’s nothing going on yet there really is?

Do you know how it feels to think of every move you are going to make?

Do you know how it feels to look like you’re OK yet you’re the opposite?

Do you know how it feels to be always there but when you need someone you see no one?

Do you know how it feels to be in a crowd where in you don’t know if you should trust?

Do you know how it feels to choose every word and every story when telling it to other people?

Do you know how it feels to be always cautious when talking to people because you don’t know if they’re real or not?

Do you know how it feels to be strong to other people but deep inside you’re broken?

Do you know how it feels to be a victim of false stories but pretend that you know nothing?

Do you know how it feels to be judged by people who don’t know the other side of the story?

Do you know how it feels to know that people don’t care and don’t feel even a bit of what you’re feeling?

Do you know how it feels to be right yet you end up being the antagonist?

Do you know how it feels to be doing good things but you are the one suffering?

Do you know how it feels to be nice to people but all you can see is a plastic mask?

Do you know how it feels to experience all those things everyday yet you still end up affected?

Do you know how it feels to feel like what I am feeling?

I chose not to fight back even if there’s a chance. It’s not that I can’t, it’s not just ME. I chose to be silent when they throw rocks at me. They may think I am paranoid for thinking and feeling like this but I am not dumb and insensitive. I just can’t stand stabbing other people’s back but how come SOME people don’t have difficulty in doing that ruthless thing? How come I don’t judge yet I am being judged? How come I don’t do harm yet I feel trashed? It’s tiring to act like you don’t know other people’s underground especially it it’s about you. It’s unfair that I am always bothered even if it’s not true and they just don’t care and still manage to sleep soundly at night. I sometimes ask myself, where is their CONSCIENCE? Alternatively, do they STILL have it? I sometimes wish I don’t have conscience to be numb but I’d rather have it and feel this way than end up being like them. I just hope they will let God enter in their hearts because I am starting to feel hopeless praying FOR them, let MATURITY take its place and then cease this completely childish thing. Honestly, this sucks and I am really trying so hard for this petty thing to not go into my system. I don’t know where this came from or how this was brought about. I just want this to end and be at peace. Please find your conscience and I tell you, you will find genuine happiness. Two things for you: I know and I always knew. Just ask me. Face to face. I am true.

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-14-2007 | 03:11 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies | Comments (0)

i miss LOVE.

Passing by a glass window she saw no one beside her reflection

Looking forward as she walks, she saw a couple with so much affection

She just shook her head, walk away and not look back

So she won’t feel the coldness and her heart’s crack

As she got home, she sat and asked herself “Why did I felt that way?”

She was over with a love lost and completely okay

A friend came and shares her happy love story

She listened, enjoyed it but envied

Again she asked herself “Why did I felt such thing?”

She was happy and always blooming

She opened the television and scanned the channels

Again she saw a couple praying together in a chapel

She suddenly sighs, turned the TV off and realized something

She was completely okay but there’s something missing

Though she doesn’t know whether she’s ready or not

One thing’s for sure, she missed being in love a lot

Ever wonder who is the persona or who is she?

Sad but true, yes, it is me

I miss how it feels to be damn crazy in love

I miss how someone is lucky for me to have

I miss everything about love even pain

But if it’s not yet the right time, I would just be here waiting

There’s so much love to give in this heart of mine

I just hope the he’ll be deserving and shows my sign

>>november 10, 2007

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-11-2007 | 03:11 PM
Posted in: Belles-Lettres | Comments (2)

rain.

What’s interesting about the rain is how they can affect a person’s mood and emotion. How they sound when they reach our roof tops, how they fall gently into our faces, how they pour heavily on dry streets, how they create a relaxing rhythm or annoy a person.

What does the rain bring which changes everything?

For some, it soothes their tired body but some would say “oh good, it just ruined my day!” Some would want to be mushy and cuddle their loved ones or even their pillows or stuffed toys but some would just sit in one corner and feel so blue. Some would rejoice because for once they burst their deepest emotions with the rain but some would be angry for a cancelled day-out. Some would enjoy playing with the rain but some would be pissed off by the mud it brought to their feet and clothes. Some would just be glad that they brought their umbrellas with them but some would be wasted trying to find a nearest shed. Some would be lucky that there is traffic because they are with their loved ones but some would increase their temper because of the long wait. Some would be happy because the class is suspended and can chill in their homes but some will get bored because they can’t go out of their lonely houses. Some would be fortunate that they have their shelter with them but some would cry out and feel hopeless because there’s nothing to protect them from the rain’s hard pour. Some would feel thankful for they are stable when there’s a typhoon but some would feel helpless and worthless for they lose everything they have put up in life.

I personally belong to those people who feel their spirits high when the rain pours. I am very positive when it rains. I simply love the rain and it sets my mood. Sometimes people find it weird with me and ask me of reasons why I feel that way. At first, I just can’t answer but as I think of reasons I realized there are many answers. Answers which are based on my theory, well it only applies to me and it depends upon you if you feel the same way.

First, I love the rain because for the simplest reason, I am born during a rainy season. My mother said that there was even a typhoon when she gave birth to me.

Second is that I believe that it is a blessing, some people would just take the rain for granted but you see, without the rain, we would ran out of water supply. It showers the plants and the trees in forests. It cleanses the environment from dirt and many more. Also, as the old saying goes, Rain comes in hand with a blessing from God.

Third is, I believe it’s a time for bonding especially when the family is gathered and is all in the house. They would spend each time with one another and would just laugh with each other’s stories. The world is so busy with things and with work and forgets that things are not important but the love and the time you give to one another.

Fourth is that, what comes after the rain is a RAINBOW which symbolizes new hope and new beginning. There’s also this saying that at the end of the rainbow there is a pot of gold. I don’t take it literally but I believe it’s more of thinking that though it rained so hard and many people lose their home, there is still a LIFE and a chance that we can make it better.

Fifth is, I believe that it is a gift that cleanses not only our body but our souls for we can let out our deepest, darkest and most sensitive part of ourselves as it showers everything that it has laid on to. We can feel light as they lightly fall into our bare skin.

Lastly is that, I believe that the rain is the bravest thing ever created by God because they are not afraid to fall knowing that they will destroy themselves when they reach the ground. I feel grateful for being with the rain for shares its braveness with me. I become strong as they are; I become fearless in taking every step of my journey. Though they are composed of tiny droplets they made a huge impact in one’s life and I would also want to make a huge impact in someone’s life.

These reasons are not enough because as I would always say, words aren’t enough. It is not raining today but I am looking forward to it.

Perceptions about things depend on people. It varies from one point to the other. I don’t know whether which more people would prefer, nevertheless, this is how I view the rain, how about yours?

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-06-2007 | 04:11 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies | Comments (0)

gossips.

Gossips fundamentally have basis. May it be through actions, words or any other evidences of the persons involved but in some cases, it just comes from the creative minds of those who are insecure merely by your existence. What’s worse is people become influenced, blinded to what is true and then still believe those or perhaps them. The point is, if there ain’t any clear evidences then don’t believe it.

I was the one who made this. I was just inspired by someone in this situation. I can’t see the logic why people make gossips but one thing is for sure, they just want to seek instant popularity by stepping into someone’s dignity.

In contrast to that, gossip makers doesn’t realize that the people they use as “material” for their cruel work end up a better man because it made them stronger and see that nothing can block their way to success.

I believe bad intentions which are intended for me are blessing in disguise because I found those who are true and those who are not. I found those who will stay and those who will not. I end up polished and they are not.

I believe gossips will destroy you only if you allow them to sink into your system. I admit gossips destroy my mood and allow me to think negatively but what I do is to just breathe deeply, relax and let my optimism sink in.

Gossips may be true or not. If it is true, be a MAN and admit it. If it is not, then just be silent.

I believe that gossip makers will gain happiness at first but I know and I feel that KARMA will find its way back to them.

Do not do to others what you don’t want others to do unto you.

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-06-2007 | 01:11 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies | Comments (0)

new and improved blog.

Many things happened to me since my last “real” post about my daily rants and raves. I’ve experienced and realized many things. Things, that words can’t explain but the heart surely understand… I can’t express it through words, but it’s me who can attest. What I am now, is what I learned for the past months.

I’ve decided not to blog my everyday life but to blog my learnings and realizations even if it’s not connected to what had happened to my day.

It’s more of what goes and comes in mind and then I’ll just write it. Thoughts that would just pop whether it’s what my heart feels, my day’s experience or just got an inspiration and urge to write. Continuous line of thinking or opinion to certain topics will also do. Basically, it’s all about my own point of view. Not about my daily life but about what I’ve learned with those happenings. This is my new blog for a NEW and IMPROVED me…

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-06-2007 | 01:11 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies | Comments (0)