do you?

Do you know how it feels to be surrounded by people whom you know but not really?

Do you know how it feels when their eyes are all on you?

Do you know how it feels to enter in a room when you feel and know that they don’t like you?

Do you know how it feels to act like you don’t know what’s happening?

Do you know how it feels to pretend that there’s nothing going on yet there really is?

Do you know how it feels to think of every move you are going to make?

Do you know how it feels to look like you’re OK yet you’re the opposite?

Do you know how it feels to be always there but when you need someone you see no one?

Do you know how it feels to be in a crowd where in you don’t know if you should trust?

Do you know how it feels to choose every word and every story when telling it to other people?

Do you know how it feels to be always cautious when talking to people because you don’t know if they’re real or not?

Do you know how it feels to be strong to other people but deep inside you’re broken?

Do you know how it feels to be a victim of false stories but pretend that you know nothing?

Do you know how it feels to be judged by people who don’t know the other side of the story?

Do you know how it feels to know that people don’t care and don’t feel even a bit of what you’re feeling?

Do you know how it feels to be right yet you end up being the antagonist?

Do you know how it feels to be doing good things but you are the one suffering?

Do you know how it feels to be nice to people but all you can see is a plastic mask?

Do you know how it feels to experience all those things everyday yet you still end up affected?

Do you know how it feels to feel like what I am feeling?

I chose not to fight back even if there’s a chance. It’s not that I can’t, it’s not just ME. I chose to be silent when they throw rocks at me. They may think I am paranoid for thinking and feeling like this but I am not dumb and insensitive. I just can’t stand stabbing other people’s back but how come SOME people don’t have difficulty in doing that ruthless thing? How come I don’t judge yet I am being judged? How come I don’t do harm yet I feel trashed? It’s tiring to act like you don’t know other people’s underground especially it it’s about you. It’s unfair that I am always bothered even if it’s not true and they just don’t care and still manage to sleep soundly at night. I sometimes ask myself, where is their CONSCIENCE? Alternatively, do they STILL have it? I sometimes wish I don’t have conscience to be numb but I’d rather have it and feel this way than end up being like them. I just hope they will let God enter in their hearts because I am starting to feel hopeless praying FOR them, let MATURITY take its place and then cease this completely childish thing. Honestly, this sucks and I am really trying so hard for this petty thing to not go into my system. I don’t know where this came from or how this was brought about. I just want this to end and be at peace. Please find your conscience and I tell you, you will find genuine happiness. Two things for you: I know and I always knew. Just ask me. Face to face. I am true.

Posted by: Dianne Peña | 11-14-2007 | 03:11 PM
Posted in: Rhapsodies