Disturbed— an adjective that best suites my mental and emotional status. I don’t know why I am feeling this way. I just wish this would go away. I have lots of things to do that need my full concentration but this state hinders me from doing so. Instead, Here I am typing, letting this feeling pass out. I have open but unread notebooks and books beside me. I am trying to find my center from which I will see what causes this. Do I lack inspiration? Do I miss somebody? Do I want to talk to somebody? Or it’s just that I am so lazy and tired to study and to go to school?
What the hell! Every day is just a repetition of itself.
I am sick. I want a break. I need a break. I am worrying but I don’t want to worry because it brings me nowhere.
I am letting time fly even though I badly need it. I am doing this post even if this is not so important. I feel like waiting (really) even though there’s no one and nothing to wait for.
Am I not satisfied with the things going around me? Maybe.
Sometimes I wish for something but when that something comes, unfortunately, I change my mind.
Sometimes I think about a person (not necessarily a special someone) but I would end up with a dismay, thinking that this person doesn’t think of me or doesn’t even remember me.
Sometimes I think of catching up with a friend. But I end up not doing it. (urrggh!)
Thinking about how other people view me makes me more disturbed. (Well, It’s my fault it think that way)
I just realized, this post contains numerous thoughts of different cases but involves only myself.
Asking myself of what do I want? What do I need? Or is it who do I want? And who do I need?
I am afraid I don’t have the answer right now, I am afraid there ain’t and there will be no answer at all.
Still, I am disturbed. Is it because I have cough and colds? Is it because of the weather?
I don’t really know! And It sucks.
Am I really disturbed or am I just confused?
I don’t want to think but I need to think.
I don’t want to move and put myself into work but I need to.
To study—- the most important responsibility I need to fulfil but sometimes it just gives me boredom. Boredom even if lessons are damn hard and complicated, even if I am so toxic. I can’t even understand why I am feeling such way.
Every day is exactly the same!
I am not in the mood.
Can somebody thrill me???
I don’t blog about things to put myself into a war. I just want to let things inside me out. If you got hurt in anyway. I’m sorry and it’s my bad. I would just like you to know that upon clicking this site you have entered my world, my blog, my LIFE so no offense. In this blog, I want things in order and I do the things I can’t do in the real world.
A wrong doing doesn’t become right if you repair it with another wrong deed. Don’t ever blame other people for what or how worse you are in now. It was your choice and no other made that choice but yourself. Be responsible for your actions because you are not growing any younger. Don’t make the story the opposite of what it is. Look at yourself first and reflect of the things you have done. I now I’m out of this but I can’t stand to not blog about this because of all the people, you have received the greatest help from someone who greatly deserve of your RESPECT. I’m not jealous for the help you receive. I just wish that you see those because I do. Clear your heart and mind dude! The family is the only person who you can run to in times of trouble. Now, if you push your family away and thinking that you have other family to run to, well THINK TWICE.
Whatever you do to the least of my brother, you do it unto me.
People tend to take for granted the help they receive when it’s given every day. Help and blessings perceived by people are usually the big ones but they don’t realize that the “true and great ones” are the ones usually little and unseen. I myself am guilty of taking for granted the little blessing God showered and is showering me. I’m blinded by what I want and what I’m dying to have thinking that I really need those. I start to think of those petty things that I am not only lucky but blessed to have. Now, I feel contented to consider that there are people who don’t have what I have and people who wish they are in the same position as mine.
I think people are so busy with their lives that they don’t see the beauty of everyday. Another factor is that, People are filled with madness in their hearts which contributes to their blindness for tender, love and care. Their hearts are shielded with anger and wrath that they tend for granted other people’s help, which allow them to hurt those people who help them.
All people have limits. Limit in their goodness and kindness. So don’t overlook their help for there will be no other person willing to help you.
My post here in my blog doesn’t mean that I’m in that certain situation. It’s just that my line of thinking brought me to that scenario and was inspired to write it down. Well, I’m not pertaining to all, just some of it.
You know what I really miss?
It is how you made me feel safe when I’m scared…
How you made me feel relieved when I’m tensed…
How you made me feel loved when I’m broken…
How you made me feel I’m worth it all when I feel I’m nothing
And lastly, the best but the worse part…
It is how you made me feel whole— complete when all else had been torn apart.
What is the resolution of an unfinished fairytale?
It is when you finally ready to give your foot for the glass slippers,
Your prince finds another to fit into what was supposedly yours.
You never know if it fits you perfectly…
It leaves other pages of the book unwritten…
And leaves you hanging until you painfully close the book,
Just by yourself.
How come one still continue to like and even love a person after they have been bad to us?
How come we still hope that one will come back after they have left us?
Is it because we really want to have that person in our world?
Or
Is it because we constantly want to endure the pain through martyrdom and stupidity?
Who says people doesn’t change when they have “boyfriends” or “girlfriends”?
Who says having those make you no difference?
Who says you’re just “one” same person when you are taken?
Well…
If you are one, then I believe…
You’re wrong.
People who are taken tend to forget their environment. Not literally but the whole world that surrounds them, their friends and other people linked in their lives. Those people who helped them through and all the way. Those people who catch them when they fall and those people who comfort them when they are being left.
I remembered one of my post regarding friends who never leaves. It’s not that I’m bitter for those who have someone in their lives. I can’t blame them because that is the power of being in LOVE. I understand that they are so engrossed with love but I can’t see the logic why they take for granted other things when in fact they cannot.
I know that when I fall in love I will be different with who I am now. But since I know the feeling of being taken for granted by those people who you treasure and love so much (I’m referring to a friend and those who take for granted friends when they are “taken”) I will not be away with my friends.
Lovers can be gone in just a snap of fingers (or if you can’t, with just a blink of an eye) but TRUE friends will never be gone no matter how you scrub them away.
I haven’t made my year-ender post because I ran out of words to describe my 2007. Nevertheless, i would just make my post some other time… For now, I would just like to share to you a thought of mine. I made this few months back…
People who make bad stories about you are the same people who once didn’t get what they wanted. When they feel you’re winning, they’ll pull you down so you’ll end up just like them. In the same manner, people who believe them will also lose their chance of supposedly a “happy ending”…
It’s either you’ll all be happy, or you’ll all end up a LOSER.
What a mentality!
I just can’t stand why people tend to be like that. So selfish…
I just wonder, is that just a way of adaptation or is that the way how they were brought up by their parents?
I’m just glad I’m not one of them.
