I was browsing a book at the library where I accidentally found an unsealed letter inserted at the latter part of the book, I opened and read it. It says:
Hey, here’s something that I’ve been keeping for a long time. I would just like to let you know that I got a crush on you ever since we got close. Every time I see you my heart pounds and when you talk to me, it pounds even more. I don’t know why I suddenly felt that way with you, you were just someone who would just pass by me and not look. Well maybe you were there when I needed the most.
What I like about you is how I can tease you and you don’t get mad, how we would joke with each other, how you will make “lambing” and how I will punch and spank you without showing it hurts. Another thing is that, how you would get my stuffs but I don’t mind. I find it cute and that made me like you even more. We never really have the chance to bond, but every time we talk even if it’s just quick I felt I am in such bliss.
I love the feeling of knowing that someone is there to fight for me, someone who doesn’t want to see me cry and gives me the feeling of being protected. You made me felt all those things when I am with you. I don’t know if you are just that type of person to everybody or if it is just with me but every single day of teasing and laughing is a day where I unconsciously fall for you. It’s funny how I always think of you, there’s never a day goes by that I don’t think of you and hoping that you think of me too.
It really made me blue when I learned that we will not be together anymore. Since then, I missed you and ray that one day we would bump into each other again. An answered prayer when one day we saw each other, your hug felt good that I wouldn’t want to let go, also the day when I found out that your ultimate wish finally came true, you had your girl. I was really happy for you, but there’s this strange feeling I never expect I would feel, a prick in my small, poor heart but never did I show.
I can clearly remember those little dreams we’ve made together, I just wish it’ll come true. I always wait for your texts and calls, I always pray we’ll have the chance to talk but now, I am afraid it would happen for there’s she where you would give all your time and your love. You don’t know how excited I am to see you, I can’t sleep but I just have to. I sometimes think I look stupid and always running after you, for I would always find you and try to reach you just to talk and see you. Well, I hope not.
There’s someone waiting for me but I don’t want him because I look for you. Days, weeks and months when I realized that I’ve really fallen for my friend, for you. You made the easy way to my heart and me not knowingly that you got there. By those cute and charming gestures, by those jokes that I wish they’re for real, by those words I love to hear and by those little and bubbly acts which make you so dear are the things that made me stuck into you.
I know it’s too late and this can never be for it will just complicate things. I know you’re happy and I don’t want to ruin that but if I got to choose how my future relationship would be, it would be how we are with each other and if I got to choose a boyfriend, he will be someone like you and how you treat me, I know that’s impossible but I just wish.
I really want to take care of you. I want to make you feel the love I know how. I want to be close to you. I want to be with you. I want to feel your love and how you will take care of me. I guess you’re shocked by the things I just said for I am showing you the opposite of what I really feel. I was also shocked with what I feel and what I just felt but don’t worry this feelings I have is not on the extreme and I don’t have any plans for this. It’s Ok and I know this will eventually fade away.
This feeling doesn’t bring me to tears but instead, brings smile to my face for I’ve fallen for such a peculiar person like you.
If you don’t get the chance to read this letter, then I guess you’ll never know.
This is my little confession that I don’t want to be sorry about. I know this is cheesy that it will even make you laugh and don’t believe but now it makes me wonder, “How do you feel for me?”
P.S
I don’t know why I suddenly planned to write everything to you. Maybe, I just want this thing out of my system for I know we can never be.
Love,
Dianne…
It doesn’t say for whom it is, all I know is I want to keep it because the person who have written that has the same name as mine. On the other hand, I want to close and return it for there was a hope in me that someday that someone will be able to read it and they would find destiny or even serendipity in their hands.
To have given this letter would make me feel very happy and to have found this letter and this letter is really for me would make me love this person in an instant…
Even if this letter is long, I don’t find myself bored for I find it very sweet yet I find the writer so scared and was just felt a rush to have fallen in love. She was trapped by the words FRIENDSHIP and A NEW RELATIONSHIP where she should not destroy. I felt lucky to have found this letter, is this coincidence for we have the same name or it’s because we are in the same situation? Nahhhh…
Love, Love… Love…So mysterious….So mushy… =)
Dear love, why such this way?
Dear love, why am I in this situation again?
Dear love, is this my destiny?
Dear love, how can I endure this pain?
A love that is not meant to be shown
A love that in not meant to be known
A love that should just be forgotten
A love that should just be trashed and burned
I never expect I would feel this way
I never expect I would feel so confused
I never expect I would be taken away
I never expect I would be amazed
Maybe if she had realized it early
Maybe if she had taken things seriously
Maybe feelings will show
Maybe there would be a rainbow
A line that I crossed is so dangerous
A line that I crossed made me brave
A line that I crossed made me scared
A line that I crossed is the line I shouldn’t have made
Pardon me for I haven’t seen
Pardon me for I have fallen for my friend
Pardon me for feeling this way
Pardon me for this will cause dismay
Now that you have her it gives me a fear
Now that you have her I feel you’re away
Now that you have her all I have were tears
Now that you have her I wish you would still stay
Every day she thinks of you
Every day she just wants to feel you
Every day I thought it was just nothing
Every day starting today, I was wrong
Nothing will I do with what I feel
Nothing will I do to make things worse
Nothing will I say until I heal
Nothing will I regret for having felt this way
Realizing this made my heart bleed
Realizing this made me stupid
Realizing that is one forbidden love
Realizing, I just caused myself a grave
Ending this feeling is what I should do
Ending this feeling for I know this is not good
Ending this feeling because you are now happy
Ending this feeling for it’s not with me
doodling my heart out
please click the link above…
Just doodling what I feel while reviewing for my midterm exam. I just wish I’ll do good with what I just doodled. Oh great.
I need to move on with this feeling
I need to go back to what I am doing
I need to accept what you deed
Even if it caused my heart to bleed
I think it’s time not to be all-out
I think it’s time to show you what it’s all about
Now I’ve reached my limit
You will see I am different
I can’t believe I am reacting violently
Just give me time, I’ll be ok eventually
I think I now know what I want
I want to be away but I can’t
I can’t command you to do this and that
But just as you wanted, give me respect
I can’t force you to treat me like I treat you
But please be sensitive in what you do
After all we are not mere strangers
I believe we are friends, more so—sisters
I don’t want to loose this special bond
Please, I plead, Do understand
Sometimes I want to be rude to people (well, some of them) treats me that way.
Sometimes I want to be bad for I don’t want to feel I am being taken advantage of.
Sometimes I want to just be a brat to equalize and be even with them,
But I started to think, If I do those, then I became just like them, So close-minded, self-righteous and “perfect” human beings.
I can’t blame them, they have a choice, they call their own shots, they have the right but not the right to hurt other people.
I want to improve myself, I want to learn how to be mean (in a right way) so I won’t look like a loser or some sort.
But every time I do that, I don’t feel right and others would judge me, worse is people who are close to me.
Oh well, it’s just not me.
Some where…
Some time…
I don’t know where,
I don’t know when…
I would find peace and fairness…
I would be appreciated and not be judged
I would be treated the way I deserve…
IN TIME…
I have troubled responsibilities.
Responsibilities that contradicts my plain self.
Being a leader to your friends in school contradicts things.
You can’t stop them for thinking just inside the box.
You cant stop them for not understanding that it’s not friendship. It is work.
You can’t accuse them for what they negatively think of you and it sucks because work and friendship time is of two different things.
You can’t avoid side comments which tears your heart.
Yes, I am suffering to this crisis, thinking I want to quit but I can’t because I don’t want to leave them hanging.
I just hope they would understand and think beyond the box.
Dianne, “Dianne” is different from Dianne, who needs to be DIANNE!
I just pray how they see me won’t change just because of this so called— Responsibility.
And yeah, It hurts me, It really hit me when my “friends” think negatively especially when I do things for a good cause (thinking that I don’t know and even feel.)
For the enth time, I am not dumb, I am not insensitive…
If you got problems on how I do things, tell it straight to me because I believe that it’s what friends do, and as my true friends as I see you, I think I deserve honesty. I can accept whatever you’re going to tell. Don’t worry.
If there’s one question I am going to ask you.
How would you feel if the person whom you see as your true friend and even made you feel stupid for taking advantage of the language barrier is comparing you?
I can’t blame you, that’s how you feel.
I shouldn’t be affected for I wasn’t your friend that moment, I was someone ahead of you.
But since I value our friendship so much,
I am guilty of feeling this way.
People have different perceptions that may also influence other people. Perceptions you can’t control but should accept. Perceptions that will affect you but should chose not to.
I just hope you see all my efforts, and will make you realize that “that’s not how it goes.”
Why do I feel unappreciated?
Am I unappreciated or I just expected too much?
Maybe I am just numb to feel it.
On the other hand, is it the people who I expect to appreciate do not see?
Sometimes I feel the need for someone
However, more often than that I do not, Maybe…
When someone has arrived to sweep me off my feet — a wish come true
But then again, I change my mind
Is it because I am scared and unsure?
Or is it because it’s not the one I wanted?
Do I feel this because of the most awaited valentine’s
Or I feel it because everyone except me have someone?
I believe what really contributes to having felt incompleteness is the fact that you got to share a special occasion with someone not because you wanted it but you need to, and everybody does that — a part of human nature.
Here I am again, talking to my messed up self, yeah… It’s messed up because I don’t like the what I am feeling
I feel I am used. I feel I am unseen. I feel I am unappreciated. I feel I am INVINCIBLE.
Next Entries »
