People as my age often look for their real love. The one they could be stable or at least be committed for a long time with, the one they could spend and express love and intimacy with, the one they can feel love and the one who can be their partner through thick or thin.
Chat rooms, texts, calls, Cellphone numbers aired through television and radio, eyeballs… People buy it just to find that someone who will satisfy and complete the puzzles of their lives. Many relationship are out of this situations but less do we know that not all of the relationship rooted from this are for long term. Some are just for fun or flings. Instead of finding the love you deserve, you end up with the pain you don’t deserve.
Rushing love, many of us are guilty of this knowing the advantages it brings. Love is very enigmatic that I can’t find the right words or sentences to describe it. I am not on the position to preach about love for I haven’t experienced the “real” love each of us are dying to feel. I am learning love as for other’s experience. I can say that if rushing love was a crime. We would all be on jail so to speak. I understand why people are committing this crime because I believe that life is senseless and would not be called a life if we got no one to share it to. Love satisfy our flaws, our incompleteness, our problems regarding other things, our deepest, darkest emotions and our purpose here on earth.
They say love comes when you are ready. When you are physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally prepared. I was wanting love for quite sometime. I have learned to be envious to couples I see walking pass through me, sitting beside me while on the jeepney or bus and eating joyously in front of me and I just try to don’t mind. But then I realized, Maybe it’s not yet time. Maybe I am not after all ready for it. Maybe I just overlooked the fact that I miss the feeling. I want to revive the sweet, romantic and full of madness me when love has taken its course to mine. Perhaps there is someone who knows if I am ready better than myself. I believe it’s God. I don’t want to wait anymore in contrast, I don’t want to find it either. If you are in my position, what would you do? I stopped for a while, then a thought came to me. I would rather spend my time of making myself better or even the best than to just wait in vain for the person who will sweep me off my feet. By the time he will come, I would be worthy of his love and then he won’t dare to ask for more. Making myself better and possessing the word PATIENCE will one day lead meto a person who will be a MAN for me. I know it, I can feel it and I believe it.
Each of us deserves that kind of love but with our age, we might not end up finding just one person, instead we find several persons different with each other that would make us perfect for that one person and will also lead us to that one person. The one person doesn’t mean he is the right one but we would make him the right one for us.
For all I’ve typed, I bet you’re wondering of my age. I am just 18, spending all the time she has in doing every little thing she could possibly do to put meaning in her so called life.
I’ve been here lying in my bed for the past one hour and thirty minutes trying to get into a deep slumber. I started to think what I have accomplished so far since the start of my vacation, then I found myself typing another post at the notes feature on my phone. Little but great accomplishments are as follows:
·I have taught my sister how to solve the Rubik’s Cube in 3 days (not whole day.. I can teach it in just one day, I think…)
·I have top scored my Bubble Trouble game in my phone with the score of 6695 (I have been trying to top score it because my classmate was the one who first top scored it with a score of 5690.)
·I have finally bought a jumper shorts and a white shorts. (I’ve been dying to have those for months.)
·I’ve watched the movie The Passion of Christ, Mission Impossible 1 and 2, Nacho Libre and Pursuit of Happiness (I have a list of movies I would like to watch and they are included…)
·I’ve finally watched full The Beyonce Experience concert. (I was a frustrated that I haven’t had the chance to watch her concert live here in the Philippines. I am her FAN.)
·I have gone to 2 out of town trips before the start of my summer classes. I went to Laguna last Good Friday with my family (we gone to Bisita Iglesia (visited 7 churches)) then I went to Zambales with my friends last March 26-29, 2008 (we gone beaching)
·I got tanned.
·I got my laptop fixed after months of constant delays on schedule because I always need to use my laptop.
·I have updated my Blog and changed its theme. (What do you think?)
·I always got 12 hours of sleep each day (which I am deprived during school days, I am lucky if I’ll have 6 hours of sleep (no stir!))
·I have learned phrases from other language courtesy of the internet (Korean) and my friend who kept on texting me using Spanish language.
·I have appreciated YouTube. I am not used to go to YouTube site. My sister influenced me in watching videos, which made me laugh so hard.
·I have downloaded new MP3s.
·I learned synonyms. (Not literally) I learned how to use synonyms so it can sound good in the same manner, my vocabulary widens.
·I have learned that it is Mater Dolorosa (the sad Mama Mary) not Mother Dolorosa. (I am so shy to admit that because I came from an exclusive catholic school way back in high school. Oh well, maybe I was asleep when it was taught. LOL. Thanks for the Information Jeric. It’s nice to know.)
·I have appreciated the beauty of the full moon for four straight days. (I was always a fan of the moon and the stars. It made me feel sentimental. LOL.)
·I have uploaded deviations on my site at Deviantart.com
·I have 300+ page views at Friendster. (It was the most page views that I’ve had compared to the previous months. Maybe because it is vacation…LOL)
·I finally got my share with Jeric after months of waiting and making him remember it. (He promised to buy me something because he have bought something for my little sister Roxanne) It was a Nike bag. I love it to bits. I am excited using it for school.
·I was able to party with newly found friends.
These accomplishments would not make me feel complete and fulfilled if I didn’t:
·Helped someone do their work
·Made someone happy or even just smiled
·Communicate and catch up with my friends
·Spend good time with my family
·Made simple but sensible realizations (browse my other posts)
·Made new friends
·Attended mass during the holy week
So far, I’ve made my vacation fruitful just before my summer classes start. I am satisfied with that but I wish my vacation would be extended so I could have more time catching up with my other friends.
It was our last day of lecture when we had a so-called “RESEARCH ONLINE” there was a part there where we need to do a free essay about “What is your greatest fear about Research?” What I typed is what I will blog today… I will try to remember what I typed as much as possible. So here it goes:
Research is not just a “requirement” to complete a course. It is not just to punish students and give them a hard time. Yes, it is damn hard, harder than I thought. Research particularly Nursing Research is a subject that I really despise even though We, I and my group mates haven’t finish the whole research thing because it will be continued for the next semester I felt how hard it was. How it made me pressured and how it made my brain and heart heavy literally, how I have to carry it with me because of the infinite revisions, dreadful red marks that keep on appearing every time we submit our paper. Working through it, I thought we’ll never going to finish it because we don’t have enough knowledge about doing a research paper but nevertheless we finished it. We accomplished what is required for us to pass the subject. Nevertheless, that one thing scared me.
Research is the answer for many questions whether it is for educational, government, general or medical field. It is important because it is something that proves and makes decisions accurate. Another thing that fears me is that I won’t be able to defend what our group have done. To not be able to answer a certain research question that would be beneficial to the nursing profession will really make me a failure. I wanted to help the nursing profession even if I am still a student. With that, I would be able to contribute improvements on nursing care and interventions in my own little ways.
We haven’t had our defense this semester but we will have one next semester definitely. I just hope our group will be able to conquer that fear and be able to stand tall and defend our research topic because we certainly believe that this would be of great help for the nursing profession and future nursing researches.
If we fail, it would be the most heart-crushing experience that we will have after all the efforts, time, money, sweat, tears and blood we have invested just to accomplish our research. Plus, we won’t be able to graduate if we opt not to repeat the research all over again. I know a lot of students are in this dilemma. Well I just hope this excruciating experience won’t happen even in our dreams.
Another ironic situation which made me realize something.
I suddenly asked myself, why do best ideas come from accidents? I mean, when there is least likely chance that one great idea will cross our mind for something important in some instances like you are taking a bath, poo-ing, brushing your teeth or which ever situation you can think wherein it is very awkward and squabble-ish then boom! there pop a one great, superb idea. To cite examples, the most important inventions of all time rooted from a single accident with a tinged of the inventor’s curiosity. There are many inventions but I would just highlight the works of Isaac Newton when an apple fell on his head then is theory of gravity started and Alexander Fleming which opened the gates for inventions of antibiotics wherein he accidentally left a dish containing a certain bacteria uncovered which leads to the invention of Penicillin.
I for once experienced that scenario where in I was moving my shit out of my system then suddenly I have come to a realization. This realization was a continuation for my previous post about my family and here it goes:
A cliché as it may sound but my family is my strength and weakness all at the same time. Because of them, I become a responsible student, a good daughter and a best friend. In the same manner, because of them, I’d take off my guard, surrender and be like a baby crying if anything bad happens to them.
Now, would that be called a Shitty idea because my thought came while I was “poo-ing” (sorry for the term but that’s reality)? I don’t think so. Indeed it is a short one, but full of sense isn’t it?
That is one irony in life that I discovered.
The beauty of moving bowels and beauty of accidents. LOL!
“On vacation for two days without doing anything but realizing every bit of it.”
I was here in our house for two days straight without doing anything productive. I just spend my time in front of my laptop, friendster-ing, multiply-ing, browsing pictures, transferring files, texting and watching videos from YouTube. Including the daily must things to do and that’s it. I suddenly think what do I get from doing all of those? What do I get from repeating everything that I do every day? Just now, as I am doing this post it’s all sinking to me… I know you would answer nothing but as you read through this post you will realize that it’s not.
Being stagnant in this house makes me miss what I do in school. More so, I miss the company of my friends. With that, I realized that people tend to be uncertain of what they want. I am definitely one of those people. Whenever I am toxic, I want to rest. Whenever I am not toxic and doing nothing at all I feel I need to browse my books and read. Nevertheless, just by staying in your house, you’ll realize the importance of something that is not in your current situation which was there few moments back.
When I was reading a blog of a friend, she talks about herself. I realized that each one of us contributes to what and who the person is. I mean, we are the reason why this kind of person is like that. Why she or he loves this and that or why she possesses that characteristic we hate or love about them. Our very own self is a moulder to each of the people we come in contact to so we should better do well. Of if not, at least make sure that there will be a single thing that will make that person a better one.
Multiply-ing, I realized that pictures become the key to know what a person’s where-about is. I think pictures serves as words for those experiences that words can’t describe. Pictures make you appreciate more in life. Pictures are memorabilia to those sweet happenings in our short life. Pictures remind us of people who made us happy and made our life colourful in their own simple ways. Multiply pictures serves as a blog for many, including me.
Typing this post makes me realize how Laptop has become a necessity for college students especially to my fellow nursing students who are dying to do their case studies, EBNs , NCPs and individual nursing processes. For the past years, Laptop was just used by those working people and some for aesthetic purposes — for flaunting or just for the sake of having one. I saw how laptops evolve into a necessity for I was a victim of always being the “next user” of our personal computer. Luckily, my mother had invested to buy a laptop. And here I am now, having no trouble of waiting, just blogging myself out and enjoying it as I listen to a feel good music and lying at my comfy bed.
Addicted to Internet as I describe myself, I realized its importance for us students. It’s a means of communication, a means of passing projects, a means of transferring files, a means of doing a project and a means of learning. It’s just a one type, one click step and then you’re done. I love how internet serves me. It enables me to spill myself out and let my every reader know what I am feeling and thinking which in real world I am finding it hard to do.
I remembered how my conversation with my friend turned out to be a one great realization. Out of nowhere I just told her that “You know, God has a back-up plan of which ever decision we take, whether it is as simple as if we are going to take a jeep or the LRT or whether it is as hard as choosing your school and course for college… Everything is planned by God.” She just said, “You bet.” I realized how great God is. I realized how immense and all-knowing he is. To plan for every person’s life in this world given that there are many choices offered to him is very hard. I can hardly compute how many decisions I make for a day. For whatever we decision we choose in our lives, I believe that God will never allow us to be hurt.
I am a fan of technology, today, our personal computer crashed, not literally but one of it’s driver malfunctioned and it was the most important one. All of the files and MP3 of 3000+ songs were gone in just an instant. Good thing the night before, I trusted my instinct to transfer files into my laptop. Sadly, I wasn’t able to save the MP3s I put an effort to download. I just saved 1/3 of it. Anyway, going to my realization, for the enth time… Following your gut instinct accompanied by skills in decision making will lead you to the right path. Here I am now, feeling glad that I was able to save my documents for following my instincts.
What else do I miss? Hmmmm… I realized, music really satisfy our souls and speak for ourselves when we are muted by the situations we are in. Together with a chocolate or simply food, it helps mend a heart that was shattered by painful words and experiences. It satisfies our blues and down moment. Why do I realize this? I was reading a friendster bulletin one question was, what do you do when you are sad/hurt? Then majority of the answers were to eat and listen to music. If I were to answer that, it will also be my answer. How about you?=p
Guilty as charged, I am NOCTURNAL. I think better at night. I can write better at night. Basically, my mind is active at night. I don’t know why but I believe that other people are also same as me. As you can see, all the people now are asleep and are in the middle of their dreams but here I am blogging and telling you things I realize for the past two days. I realized that there are certain factors may it be the ambience, time or the background music playing for making good realizations. As of now, I proved it right.
Now I am in my twelfth paragraph, nine of which are my realizations. It brought me into a conclusion that doing the same thing every day as long as you have time to pause and reflect at the end of the day, will turn out to be a productive one which other people will have mistaken to be not. Have I proven myself now? I hope so…=D
I was once a lover and a fan of the art of modelling whether it is for ramp or commercial purposes. When I was a child I envisioned myself walking in a runway oozing with confidence and attitude. I saw myself on the screen modelling my favourite brand of clothes or my favourite food. I pictured myself so glamorous on the center of a studio with lights and cameras focused and around me. Now, I gave up that dream for I know that doesn’t going to happen anymore for some reasons I know but I don’t want to take time on wishing and hoping there ain’t any. Still, I continue loving the art of runway by admiring those models, watching and reading magazines but now excluding the fact that it would someday be me.
Recently, the new Bb. Pilipinas reigned. I wasn’t able to watch the pageant for I was busy studying for our dreaded REVALIDA. Nevertheless, I was able to watch a part of it via the YouTube. I was able to watch the last question and answer portion and saw and clearly heard the question and how it was answered by the reigning Bb. Pilipinas who would be our representative for Ms. World. Anyway, I won’t comment on the way she answered rather I would want to answer the question thrown to her.
Since I was not given the gift to join this contest, I might as well grab my blog as my chance to answer her question. The question is “What role did your family play to you as candidate to Bb. Pilipinas?” I could simply answer the question in one sentence but for the sake of my post. I would lengthen it.
My Family is the greatest gift I ever received from God. Without them, I wouldn’t be here on earth and more so in front of you. I can’t find the perfect words to describe my family for they give me something beyond words. They serve as my support system, motivation and inspiration. They are the people who keep on pushing me to reach my dreams no matter how hard it takes. They are my sweetest down fall as one song would say. They are the best persons in my life. They are the reason beyond every success I am receiving and with those successes, I offer it to them. They are the most important persons in my life (to quote the reigning Bb. Pilipinas) I can live without my friends and every single thing in this world as long as they are beside me. The give me the air that I breathe not literally but they are the main reason why I am living my life the way it should be and the way they will be happy about. My family is my all-in-one person. I love them so much that I would do every little thing for them. They comprise almost all of me. From them, I learned and gained so much. Those lessons particularly the values inculcated to me made me lovable to my friends and other people related to me. To wrap it up, my family is one thing that will make me worthy of winning this pageant. They are the key to my success and I thank GOD for that.
Everything I have now…
Whoever I am now…
I owe it to my family…
I owe it to GOD… [I give you my overflowing gratitude...]
I don’t know if I would be able to think and say those things when I am in her shoes to add the pressure and every inch of judgement of those people watching. If ever I would be in that same spot as her, I would answer a very simple sentence as “My family is my motivation in joining this pageant…” just as simple as that. No need of sh*t alibis, no need of thinking twice.
Disclaimer: I am not a Bb. Pilipinas wanna be. I would just like to give justice to my family if ever I would be asked the same question. Peace.
Reading through my posts, I realized one common thing among all of those… It was so EMO!!! Well obviously, that is not the case now… Finally, my spirit awakens for I experienced one thing I absolutely love and dying to do after a long time and that is to DRINK and PARTY with my friends… I met acquaintances, I don’t know if I’ll see them again but that’s ok, that’s how it goes in clubs/bars right? Though the semester is not yet over and I have this one major exam to take tomorrow, I enjoyed it a lot! It was my gift for myself for having through all the TOXICITY this semester had offered me. I don’t know if I have good grades or high should I say… but to hell with that. I AM HAPPY! I AM GLAD that I finally got a break. I hope this would happen again even if I have no summer vacation… I want to spend my two-week vacation fruitfully by doing all the things that I want and meeting up with my FRIENDS.
It put me into high spirits when I learned that I passed the 3 major concepts in NCM 103 (Oxygenation, Metabolism and Fluids and Electrolytes), well it’s not that high but at least I passed… Passing in this 3 concepts doesn’t guarantee that I will get the grade I am wishing to have (so that I won’t have a grade lower that 2.5) but that don’t stop me from being happy and feeling this way.
I passed my revalida with a grade of 80… One thing I regret is that the topic assigned to me was the topic I haven’t reviewed which was the identification of surgical instruments. Luckily, I was able to identify almost all of the instruments and the professor who handled me was my professor in Nursing Research. She gave me considerations…
My group was able to finish chapter 1 to 3 of our nursing research. We got 93 for it. Our grade is well-l deserved for we spent sleepless nights and days together, brainstorming, debating and revising for the enth time. Good job guys (group 154 the second)!!!
One thing more, I know this is so little but it gave me a delight when I finally have downloaded the USHER version of SUPERSTAR (Don’t you remember). I have been looking for this since high school. My love for this song doesn’t mean that I’m in the situation. I just loved his version and the melody. Here’s for you:
I see the couple are walkin` by
Feel like I
Don`t wanna be alone today
So glad no one can see what I hide
Deep inside
How it feels to be
The girl who never gets the right guy
Tell me why
When there`s so much I`ve got to give
I wake up reaching out in the night
Ready to hold him tight
`Til I realize
That nobody is there
When will it be me?
When will I be the one
Somebody`s dreaming of?
When`s it gonna be?
When will I find my heart
Lyin` inside the arms
That never let me go?
I`d really like to know
When will it be me?
My friends seem to have all the love
(Feels like love.)
Knocks on their door and walks right in
I know that I am worthy of what I`ve been wishing for
I can`t wait no more
Love`s nowhere to be found
Feeling his tender touch
(Lying in his arms.)
Talkin` bout forever together
Givin` him all of my love
That`s been trying to break free
Don`t wanna be alone
No more
I`m telling you what I need
I want someone who loves me for me
And when will it be?
Wonder when will it be?
I ask myself
When will it be me?
~a song that best describes me today… this moment… this time…
